I am writing this post with full transparency in hopes to encourage others who are in the same place.
That place where you feel you are completely broken, confused and hopeless.
It can be caused by many things; loss, doubt, fears, heartache, physical pain… You feel like this is something you cannot overcome, that this is one thing that will hurt forever. It’s hard not to wonder and question why God allows things like this, why He allows us to get to such a low point. It’s hard to trust in that moment that He has a plan. Sometimes things happen because He allows them to happen, sometimes they happen because of our own consequences but either way He is there. I feel broken. Shattered. And in this moment I rely fully on Him because no person can heal my heart. I also see it as a wake-up-call how we need to STOP trusting in people over trusting Him. People will fail, He will never fail.
It’s so easy to ignore God and do things our own ways but eventually without Him it crumbles. We lose sight of who we are, what we are fighting for, our passions. I can easily say I have never been so broken in my life before but I analyze the next step and I can choose to either grow, mature, fight or let it destroy me. It really is my choice. That said, it is not easy, and it will take time, healing always takes time. During this time focus on Him, stay busy, do not let yourself be alone but surround yourself with your church community and people that lift you up. Being alone is when you overthink things and stress yourself even more. Try something new, wake up and watch the sunrise, find a new hobby, travel, anything and it will help you heal.
Music ( a helpful playlist here) also helps me and this song, Lift My Eyes, has been on replay for the past few days from
Fresh Life Worship. Here’s my favorite part;
Open my eyes to know You,
Leave me in awe
Open my heart to love You
God above all
Open my eyes to Your ways
Show me Your face
Open my eyes to see You
To meet Your gaze
It so happened that I was crying out to God for help to heal and I craved to be surrounded by others. A few minutes after that I was scrolling through instagram and saw that Oh Hello Friend was hosting a event called You Are Loved. I knew it was exactly what I needed, quickly called two friends and headed over. It was a really encouraging event with wonderful worship, beautiful fellowship, an uplifting message and two perfect spoken word poems by Arielle Estoria.
He is with us in all seasons.
The main message was by Brittany Lane and it was about God in our different seasons of life, more specifically the hard seasons. We learned how we must trust God in all seasons and to realize faithfulness looks different in each one. We also learned that our seasons are unique to ourselves, to not compare it with others. When our friend is in a sad season to listen instead of bringing up our own experience. Overall we must;
- Be in the word.
- Seek discipleship.
- Be serving.
- Keep asking what faithfulness looks like.
- Invite Jesus in your season.
- Remember that seasons end but the truth of God’s word does not, the power of the Holy Spirit does not, the faithfulness of God does not.
We also listened to 2 spoken word poems by Arielle Estoria and the whole room was still. Everyone clinged to every word Arielle was saying. It was hard not to tear up for many. I hope you have the chance to hear Arielle live but for now I was able to get the written version of the poem for you. She’s a real sweetheart <3
And if I could tell you anything…
I would tell you that love terrifies me to my core
I would tell you that I’m afraid to be held closely
for a moment, I was unsure if I even knew how to love someone in the first place
He told me,
that a passionate woman was worth the chaos
But I am sure, that I am not a storm he knew how to prepare for
And his blue eyes were not glaciers I was ready to run into
If I could tell you anything,
I would tell you that I’m exhausted,
from juggling more jobs than these hands can hold
when all I really want to do is this right here,
write letter poems to strangers and loved ones
and hope that they hear “me too” tucked within my stanzas
Yes, if I could tell you anything
I would tell you that I am more distant than lost ships
and that my lighthouse is 6 hours away
covered in overcast and a red bridge that has arms extended wide
like welcome home signs
I would sit down with you for coffee,
and then first tell you that I drink way too much coffee
Then I would look you in the eye
as easy as that may be and say that….most days
most days, I have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror
I would tell you that you are worthy
and then fight the internal battle to believe it for myself
I would ask you,
How’s your heart?
Have you healed from from what last felt like lightning to your gut?
Are you walking wound or walking victory?
I would tell you,
just tell them you think they’re cute
Whoever “they” are for you
I would say, be daring
Let courage be the spine that makes you stand taller
Do not be afraid to stand taller
Be the woman or the man you would want our little ones to follow footsteps after
If I could tell you anything,
I would say do the things that scare you
Let your dreams be big enough to scare you
Run with it,
if it doesn’t exists then create it
Be you’re own boss
Own it, every strut and strong shoulder
I would tell you yeah, life is tough but so are you
But then I would whisper that it’s okay to be weak sometimes
It’s okay to put that cape to the side sometimes
I would say baby listen…
you’re the kind of magic Frida talked about
And someday, someone will look at your smile
and see dimples as the gold found on the end of rainbows
I think for far too long we’ve convinced ourselves
that we don’t deserve beautiful things or to be loved well
but there is a God who is pursuing us recklessly every day
despite our fleeting tendencies
It is a wonderful thing isn’t it ?
to know that we can run all we want and he’ll still be there
He would tell you:
The kind of beautiful that you can’t even fathom from your human eye
You are every bit of heaven on earth that I could have pulled from stars, milky ways and dust
He would tell you, I love you and then he’d say it again,
I L o v e y o u.
There’s no more need for running please give those tired feet a rest
You see these arms?
They are the most secure safety you could ever know
Stay here awhile